The Smackdown 2015 Finish
 

Church bells rang throughout Smackdown Nation today as the dawn brought a new Champion. The basketball gods toyed with fate last night as Amy Smithrocketed into first place on the strength of Captain K and the Dukies’ win over Wisconsin. Smith’s win occasioned stunned silence which quickly gave way to jubilation in the streets as Smackdown participants realized that the threat of a win byDerek “Sometimes a bridesmaid, occasionally a ring bearer” Simmons had passed.

This year’s version of the annual Smackdown was one of the more momentous in Smackdown history, as it was the subject of both a Presidential Press Conference and a lawsuit in the Supreme Court of Oregon.

Derek “The second place finisher” Simmons is reportedly keeping a stiff upper lip. “I guess I will have to come to terms at some point with my terminal mediocrity,” he might have said if anyone had cared enough to ask.

Others have surfed a more emotional tidal wave. “I HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD AGAIN!!!!” said Todd Thummel. “Maybe Ted Cruz isn’t completely insane...”

We here at Smackdown Central are pretty sure that he is. However, without further ado, here is the final tally:

 

1. Amy Smith is our Smackdown Champion. She finished in 1st place with 273 points on 40 correct picks. She attributes her Smackdown finish this year to “clean living.” Right, like we don’t know Aron at all…

2. Derek “Son of Geezer” Simmons finished a very strong second with 260 points on a whopping 49 correct picks.

3. Andrew Farhat finished in 3rd place with 240 points on 38 correct picks. We want to send a special thank you to Andrew. We here at Smackdown Central cannot imagine a more thankless job than being the guy trying to keep Derek from going straight to Hell…

4. Barry “Two Smiths in the Top Four” Smith finished in 4th place with 237 points on 43 correct picks.

5. Katherine “Second Simmons in the Top Five” Simmons finished in 5th place with 237 points on 41 correct picks.

6. Mark “WuShock” Vetter finished in 6th place with 237 points on 43 correct picks. Respect to the Shockers, Mark.

7. Almost as crazy as Ted Cruz, but with much better legs, conservative icon Sarah Palin finished in 7th place with 226 points on 43 correct picks.

8. Craig “I am now older than Moses Malone” Kurtz finished in 8th place with 216 points on 43 correct picks.

9. John “Chipmunk” McFarlane finished in 9th place with 213 points on 42 correct picks.

10. John “Assistant Vice Provost THIS…”Augusto finished in 10th place with 210 points on 44 correct picks.

11. Paul “Smackdown Corporate Counsel” Smith finished in 11th place with 204 points on 39 correct picks.

12. Michael “NOW Kansas has a valid reason to duck WSU” Dome finished in 12th place with 202 points on 39 correct picks.

13. Wayne “Geezer” Simmons finished in 13th place with 199 points on 42 correct picks.

14. Alex “Grandson of Geezer” Simmons finished in 14th place with 196 points on 40 correct picks.

15. Todd “Literary Genius” Thummel finished in 15th place with 193 points on 42 correct picks.

16. Scott “Former Three-Time Champion” McLoughlin finished in 16th place with 190 points on 40 correct picks.

17. Meghan “Newbie” McGill finished in 17th place in her inaugural Smackdown with 189 points on 37 correct picks.

18. Bryn “Adding Class to This Joint” Wittmayer finished in 18th place with 187 points on 42 correct picks.

19. Arthur “Haircut” Gepner finished in 19th place with 173 points on 37 correct picks.

20. Michael “Raccoon” Bird finished in 20th place with 167 points on 36 correct picks.

21. Paul “Red Demon” Lehmkuhler finished in 21st place with 157 points on 36 correct picks.

22. Sean “Ultra” Heston finished in 22nd place with 154 points on 35 correct picks.

23. John “Sugarpuss” Wittmayer finished in 23rd place with 152 points on 35 correct picks.

24. David “Cooter” McFarlane finished in 24th place with 146 points on 31 correct picks.

25. Clif “The King of Pain” Jefferis finished in 25th place with 144 points on 35 correct picks.

26. Rand “The Commish” Simmons finished in 26th place with 144 points on 34 correct picks.

27. Aron “Did Indiana even make the Tournament this year?” Rider finished in 27th place with 134 points on 29 correct picks. However, she is still riding the adrenaline high of Amy’s win, so she doesn’t care.

28. Patrick “I have the best beard not belonging to a homeless person” Smith had the toughest outing this year and is our Smackdown 2015 Anchor Man with 112 points on 26 correct picks.
    
    If you have not yet taken the opportunity to congratulate and concede to our new Champion, please take care of business.
    
    Smackdown Central