A couple of themes presented themselves in this year’s Smackdown that are worth mentioning.

First, we crowned a second, three-time champion.

Second, some familiar faces have returned to the top of the Smackdown standings.

Finally, Derek has once again been vanquished. God Bless America!

And now, the results:

 

Scott McLoughlin

2008 Smackdown Champ!

 

1. Joining Wayne “Grande” Simmons in the Smackdown’s version of the mile high club was Scott “Showtime” McLoughlin. Showtime is our second three-time winner with a final score that was the class of the Smackdown with 220 points on 48 correct choices. It wasn’t even close. An additional tip of the hat to our champion for picking the National Champion. Noted the champ, “I love it when a plan comes together.”

2. One-time winner Art “Little Joe” Gepner had a moment of zen in placing with a score of 204 on 41 correct choices. He, too, picked Kansas as his national champion. “It feels good to be up with the winners rather than down with the chumps. Yeah, I said it. Who’s your daddy, Derek?”

3. Another ex-champ, Tifani “Pixie of Death” Jefferis showed with a final score of 200 on 40 correct choices. This, in spite of losing her champion Duke in the round of 32. “I have to say, the air does smell different up here. Although that may be Showtime’s socks…”

4. Once again finishing just out of the money is Rand “Super D” Simmons. Rand notched a final score of 190 on 42 correct choices. Fortunately, he doesn’t care too much as his champion was and is Kansas. “Though I am going to ride it for all it is worth, I can’t help noticing that there are only four points difference between #4 and #10. Suckers.”

5. Barry “I am having trouble swallowing” Smith. With a final Score of 189 on 43 correct choices, Barry was the only poor SOB to pick Memphis as his champion. Some say he is crazy, others, a genius. His response? “One freakin’ free throw and you could all just eat my shorts.”

6. This year, Todd “Dare to be Mediocre” Thummel also dared to be sober while making his picks. The result? A final score of 189 on 45 correct choices and a correct pick of the National Champion Kansas. His plans for the next time? “Next year, I am liquoring back up, baby.”

7. Wayne “Grande” Simmons showed a bit of his mortality with a final score of 188 on 42 correct choices. “What are you going to do?” asked the great man. “I am not going to win them all, though I do wish North Carolina had not gotten pounded quite so badly...”

8. Rounding out the top half of the field is Katherine “Puddin” Simmons. Puddin’s final score of 188 on 45 correct choices kept her on the sunny side of the Derekdoza line. The fact that her champion won it all doesn’t hurt. “How much difference a point makes. I mean, how much self-respect can Derek have after losing even to me by one point? Don’t do anything rash. Think of your children, my brother.”

9. Finishing ninth out of 17 competitors, Derek “Statistically, I really do define mediocrity” Simmons literally did so with a final score of 187 on 43 correct choices. “Well, it is not second to last like last year. And KU won. But all of my family and Gepner trounced me?”

10. Patrick “Spanky” Smith had the questionable honor of tying Derek for 9th place with a final score of 187 on 41 correct choices along with being a member of the Kansas as Champion Club. “Not too many prizes here. Picking Oregon, a team with less than 10 conference wins in the Pac 10 to beat Memphis turned out to be not as good of an idea as it seemed at the time…”

11. Paul “Tender” Lehmkuhler attained a final score of 182 on 42 correct choices and picked the Champion. “Hey, I also picked Duke to make the Final Four out of the West Region. How come Tifani finished so high and I got walloped?” (Smackdown Central has noted that she has a much cooler nickname, but otherwise denies any sort of bias. Suck it up, man.)

12. Cyprian “Snookums” Sanchez finished with a final score of 176 on 41 correct choices. “Yeah, Kansas won. But Showtime beat me by 44 points. Guy must have barrels of testosterone just sitting around or something…”

13. Paul “Squeaky” Smith got a final score of 167 on 40 correct choices. An example of the tournament he had – he picked UCLA to win it all. Still, there may be hope. “It has taken me years, but I think that I finally understand. The PAC 10 is not a real conference.”

14. Clif “Too Sexy” Jefferis flirted with a complete lack of self-respect with a final score of 160 on 35 correct choices, 60 points behind Showtime. Moreover, his Champion, Texas, was absolutely immolated by Memphis. “The good news is, it should not be difficult to improve on this finish…”

15. Craig “Flatline” Kurtz ended with a final score of 152 on 38 correct choices. Yes, he too took UCLA as his champion. What goes on here? (We here at Smackdown Central would ordinarily ascribe this to “Pac 10-itis” as described above. Nevertheless, his interaction with the Big 12 in the person of Colorado should have helped him not to be taken in. Nevertheless, he comes from the same state as Senator McCain, so perhaps reality is not his strong suit, either…)

16. This year’s newby, Mike “Not Last” Chastain finished second to the last with a final score of 148 on 38 correct choices. He also picked North Carolina to win it all. We here at Smackdown Central are hopeful that he can take a few pointers from Showtime and actually be competitive next year. “It is true, I sucked. I am not worthy.” (Don’t worry, rookie. I am sure that you will do better next year. It would be difficult to do worse, anyway…)

17. And the winner of the 2008 Anchor Man Award is John “Fists of Fury” Wittmayer. It was over early for Big John with a final score of 143 on 38 correct choices. “I haven’t been slapped around this much since the Court of Appeals wailed on me this past year. I am pretty sure it is going to leave a mark…”