Mike
“The Witchdoctor” Chastain
Smackdown Region: Midwest
Guilty pleasure song that you would otherwise
never admit you listen to: ABBA's song “Lay All Your Love on Me”
Who can resist this disco megagroup?
Title of the self help book you should write: How
to Pick Up Low Self-Esteem Women (For Fun or Profit)
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010
Smackdown: Some variation on the Japanese
Kasedori Festival. Though I don't know where I'll get a Cousin It
costume.
Quote: Honesty is for the most part
less profitable than dishonesty. - Plato
Paul
"P-Smitty" Smith
Region: West (Although,
I'm rooting to rename it the Pacific
Northwest.)
Guilty pleasure song that you would otherwise
never admit you listen to: Pour
Some Sugar On Me--Def Leopard
Title of the self help book you should write: Guide
to Management: Even If You Make It Idiot-Proof, They Will Build a Better
Idiot
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010
Smackdown: I'm going to Mexico (actually,
I'm going to do that whether I win or not...but it will be that much sweeter
if I win).
Quote: “Never insult an
alligator until after you have crossed the river.” -Cordel Hull
Patrick
"P-Diddy" aka "P-Darrel" aka "Tricky" Smith (Nice
try, Patrick)
Smackdown approved nickname: “Spanky”
Region: Mid-Atlantic
Guilty pleasure song that you would otherwise
never admit you listen to: Step-By-Step
Theme Song
Title of the self help book you should write: Say
Good-Bye to Failed Relationships! How to Make That 5th Marriage Stick
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010
Smackdown: Bathing, finally.
Quote: “Ain't no man can avoid being born
average, but there ain't no man got to be common.” -Satchel Paige
Amy
“Tea Bag” Smith
Smackdown Region: Mid-Atlantic
Guilty pleasure song that you would otherwise never admit you listen to: Hungry
Eyes from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Actually, anything from the Dirty
Dancing soundtrack. RIP Ratrick Swayze (We
here at Smackdown Central approve this message).
Title of the self
help book you should write: Seaworthy:
How to serve 20 years in the Navy without setting foot in so much as a
kayak.
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010 Smackdown: Graciously
accepting my congratulations and offering advice to my brothers about where
they went wrong with their picks.
Quote: “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” --Gloria
Steinem
Aron
"Speedee" Rider
Smackdown Region: Mid-Atlantic,
by force
Guilty pleasure song that you would otherwise never admit you listen to: With
the resurgence of 80s music, I am disappointed Foreigner didn't make the
grade. Bet you can guess my song.
Title of the self help book you should write: Finding
Your Feminine Side After 40
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010 Smackdown: Margaritas,
what else?
Quote: From my son, David:
“Something on my body prevents me from sleeping: I think it's my head.”
Derek
"Super Delicious" Simmons (really? Super Delicious?
We think not…)
Smackdown Approved
Nickname: “Moderately
Tasty”
Smackdown Region: West
Region
Guilty pleasure
song: Strokin’,
by Clarence Carter
Title of the self
help book you should write: “How
to write demand letters for fun and profit”
How you plan to
celebrate winning the 2010 Smackdown: There
will be dancing and singing, a worldwide celebration that can be described
only as “rapturous.”
Quote: “I
watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of
the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, "Come!" I looked, and
there before me was a white horse! Its rider's name was called Derek. He
held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on
conquest. And Lo, Derek rode triumphant to the Smackdown Championship,
vanquishing the lower beasts in the field.”
Barry
“Snookums” Smith
Smackdown Region: West
Guilty pleasure song: Baby Got
Back, by Sir Mixalot
Title of self-help book you should write: Sexy
Calves; The Art of Wearing Tube Socks
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010 Smackdown: Spending
a little “quality time” with my sock collection.
Quote: “Left hand, right hand,
it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” - Charles Shackleford
Judge
John “Nancy Boy” Wittmayer
Smackdown Region: West
Guilty pleasure song: Anything
from ABBA
Title of self-help book you should write: Contempt
of Court: A Judge's Favorite Hammer
How you plan to celebrate
winning the 2010 Smackdown: Give
some lucky criminal defendant probation instead of prison.
Quote: When asked why she
stabbed her ex-boyfriend in the chest, she said "Because I promised him if
he ever broke up with me I would stab him - and I always keep my promises to
him." (I sent her to prison)
Prof. Todd
“T-woww” Thummel
Smackdown Region: K-State
country
Guilty pleasure song: I Feel
Pretty, from West Side Story
Title of self-help book you should write: Chicken
Soup for the Unrepentant Perv
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010 Smackdown: A
bubble bath, a bottle of tequila and my Kenny G greatest hits CD.
Quote: “The invention of
basketball was not an accident. It was developed to meet a need. Those boys
simply would not play ‘Drop the Handkerchief.’” – James Naismith
Morgan
“Rog” Jefferis
Smackdown Region: South
Guilty pleasure song: Dance
Epidemic, by Electric Six
Title of self-help book you
should write: How to know
things that are totally useless except for that one time where it's the
topic on final Jeopardy
How you plan to celebrate winning the 2010 Smackdown: I
honestly don't know, but it will involve explosions and loud music.
Quote: “An escalator cannot
break; it can only become stairs. You should never see an ‘Escalator
Temporarily Broken’ sign; it should say ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs.’” -
Mitch Hedberg
Rand “Banzai”
Simmons
Smackdown Region: Midwest
Guilty pleasure song: The
Climb, by Miley Cyrus
Title of self help book: The
Rand Method: Tapping Into Your Inner Awesome
How I plan to celebrate winning the Smackdown: A
long and obnoxious phone call to my brother.
Quote: “If the NBA were on
channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making love were on channel 4, I’d watch the
frogs, even if they were coming in fuzzy.” – Bobby Knight
